My Queen Bed + Doggy Steps

When Mummy first rescued me back in February this year, I slept on a doggy bed next to hers. Mummy's bed was too high for me and Mummy was worried I'd fall off in the middle of the night (FAT CHANCE!) So every night, Mummy would sing me a little lullaby (personally, I'd prefer "Who Let The Dogs Out" by Baha Men), tuck me in, say "Nighty nighty pumpkin pie. Mummy looooooooves you!", and switch off the lights. Mummy thought I was A-OK with this arrangement for the first few nights because I slept like a baby and didn't make a squeak...but really, I was quietly sulking in my bed (NOT HAPPY, JAN!) and secretly plotting a plan to get Mummy to allow me to sleep in HER bed. 

After nights of plotting and scheming and running the scenario through my head, the day came when it was time to put my carefully orchestrated plan into action. I waited till the crack of dawn to start my perfectly rehearsed whimpering. I imagined all sorts of terrible things happening to me...going to the vet, missing a meal, being adopted by Paris Hilton...and this made me whimper like I really meant it! Of course, this woke Mummy up and got her attention. With Plan A a success, it was time to move quickly to Plan B: I put my paws up to the side of Mummy's bed, looked up at her groggy face with my big, pleading eyes, and sent telepathic messages to her "Let me in pleeeeeeeeaaaaaase. I SWEAR TO DOG I won't steal the blanket or hog the bed (Daddy already does that). I SWEAR TO DOG I won't lick my privates and then lick your face. I SWEAR TO DOG I won't slobber on you, pant in your face or dutch oven you. PLEASE PLEASE PUH-LEEEEEEAAAASE???". And what do you know, it worked a treat! Mummy lifted me up into her bed and said "There there little one...I guess it won't hurt to let you in for just half an hour before I have to get up". I snuggled against Mummy's warm body with a sneaky grin on my face.

Plan C: repeat Plan A and B, only earlier in the night.

In the end, it was all too easy. No sooner had Mummy said "Nighty nighty pumpkin pie. Mummy looooooooves you!" and switched off the light, then I was up and out of my doggy bed and whimpering and whining until Mummy relented. Now the doggy bed has been shifted to the living room (I have a doggy bed for each room in the apartment, just in case my ass gets cold), and I no longer need to do my circus routine before bedtime because Mummy's bed is now MY bed (*muahahahahaha*).

Here I am on my Queen bed (fit for the Queen that I am).

P.S. Of course, Mummy had to get the carpenter to build another set of doggy steps for my new bed, just like the ones we have for our sofa.

AAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHH!!! Wake me up from this nightmare!!!



WHO LET THE DOGS OUT (BAHA MEN) 

Who let the dogs out
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
(woof, woof, woof, woof)
When the party was nice, the party was jumpin' (Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo)
And everybody havin' a ball (Hah, ho, Yippie Yi Yo)
I tell the fellas "start the name callin'" (Yippie Yi Yo)
And the girls report to the call
The poor dog show down
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
I see ya' little speed boat head up our coast
She really want to skip town
Get back off me, beast off me
Get back you flea infested monger
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
I'm gonna tell {Hey, Yippie, Yi, Yo}
To any girls calling them canine {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Tell the dummy "Hey Man, It's part of the Party!" {Yippie Yi, Yo}
You fetch a women in front and her mans behind {Yippie, Yi, Yo}
Her bone runs out now
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Say, A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
A doggy is nuttin' if he don't have a bone All dogy hold ya' bone, all doggy hold it
Wait for y'all my dogs, the party is on
I gotta get my girl I got my myind on
Do you see the rays comin' from my eye
What could you be friend
That Benji man that's breakin' them down?
Me and My white short shorts
And I can't seek a lot, any canine will do
I'm figurin' that's why they call me faithful
'Cause I'm the man of the land
When they see me they doah-ooooo(howl)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)